wrote this along time ago, 2010?

Garsh, I had the strangest day.

Bad days can get worse, and believe it or not, they can get better! It just seemed like one of those days that everything that can go wrong will go wrong. I broke down and cried so hard, I just wanted to give up; the pain seemed so extremely unrelenting. I was being embraced by the dark one, but it was God whom resided within. At the time it felt like only me, now I look back and see that it was God that was bonding me together, otherwise I'd be wholly broken. I felt like I needed someone but didn't want to disturb anyone or make anyone worry. I struggled to remember a world where my family existed, specifically my mom and her hugs. I tried to remember all my dear friends. It all seemed like petty memories, "I miss that, but it will never be again." I thought “WHY, GOD?! How can you do this to me?” All that came to mind was red, satan, evil. This is negative. Yet in the darkness, of what I imagine felt like being stuck down a water well, the good times and the people who made it happen seemed to be there, holding me tightly and crying too. I laughed, thinking, “Gee, I made you all cry?  I'm sorry.” Imagining all my people there for me, your spirits brought me back, all together, strenth and peace were born, and I was brought back again! I'm out of the well again, stronger every time.

Well, feelings never last forever and I know that, even then I can acknowledge that it WILL pass. I feel like a baby, immature and interdependent. Whatever, God is good. I felt like if I called anyone I would have only made them cry as well. I called upon God, and I believe the higher power was crying with me. The mushy mess was holding me together. We are one; a balance of everything. There was simultaneously high and low, good and bad, negative and positive, and I...stuck in the middle, torn with ambivalence and confusion. In this war I will remain neutral. I only pray there can be peace with in us all.

Wow, I don't know where I was going with that, but it is over and I feel better, kind of. Emotionally exhausted but holding up strong. I feel weak enduring this world, yet I'm proud of myself for soldering it out. Every day I thank the Lord for having sweet, sweet memories and for the ones whom made it happen. I love you. Thank you so much for blessing me with your gifts, the simple blessing of your presents is more than any evil thing can take from me.
 
Yeah, a little deep there, but what more can I say, I had a strange day.